me and my so-called Life...

Check this out!! This Korean song is so addicting, I couldn't stop singing the chorus every 10 seconds or so... This one's called 'NOBODY' by the Wonder Girls... Plus, the music video is funny too... Just one thing: try not to get too addicted!! (like me!! =)

I've been beaten up and this was the second time. I knew even before he attacked that I had the power to resist and win him over but I didn't. That was my only regret. I let him take me. I didn't do anything and what happened? In the end, I was the only one in pain. Weirdly enough though, I don't blame him. Instead I blame myself. He didn't cause me anything, I hurt myself... so.. I take the blame.

As I was writing this, Jhiel sat beside me and told me something in a low voice. She told me that I was a very very unlucky person. And then she added, "This was a chance given to you and you blew it." I was surprised by her words. How did she know what I was thinking? Am I that obvious? I felt dizzy and confused so I asked her to repeat what she said. It turns out that she was talking about Limewire. LIMEWIRE, for Pete's sake!!! She said that her exact words were, "Ang malas mo sa Limewire." I think I was hallucinating!! But what if I was not? Maybe it was meant for me to hear what he wanted me to hear through my friend? Maybe he wants me to reflect and think it all over. Maybe he will give me another chance...my last chance...maybe...just maybe...

Every time I get a chance to smile or laugh, my problem comes rushing back to me. I feel like I have no right to be happy anymore. This time, it's my turn to brood, my turn to close my eyes and cry. I'm tired of pushing myself aside. I want to push myself to the limit. I'll sit for awhile then when I'm good and ready, I'll get up and catch up with the others. The race isn't over yet. Yes, they're already halfway but if I really run my fastest and focus, I can still catch up. I just hope I don't let myself down again. I can't afford another mistake. I have to do this, I need to do this. So many people are cheering for me at the stands. I can't let them down. I let them down, I let myself down. This is the final test, and I'll get through this... I can and I will....


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Oookkaayyy!!! First of all, who's HE? And if he attacked me, why did I blame myself for the pain? He started it, right?Secondly, what was my problem? And what race? I know it's a metaphor, but I just don't know what it's supposed to mean?!

I'm confused, and now you're confused too. I'm sorry 'bout that. Let me clear things up a bit. What I wrote above, the first three paragraphs, is a journal entry. I wrote them I think about a year and a half ago. The problem is, I don't remember what it means. Honestly! And why did I have to write in such a poetic way? Almost got a nosebleed after reading it. The entry was super cheesy and definitely melodramatic.. I must've been really, really, really depressed that time...

Maybe you're wondering, "If this was an entry from her diary, why did this doofus post it in her blog?" Well, I can answer that, pal! Since I don't remember anything about this entry at all, how could you possibly do, right? So, it's cool... By the way, if you do know, please... please... PLEASE kindly remind me?! Thanks...

Boy, do I have the worst memory ever or what???